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Thursday, July 29, 2010

#11. Cast Away

Since we are already in Tom Hanks mode, let me tell you about Chuck. Chuck Norris that is. This is Chuck.

Chuck has become my Wilson. Ok so he isn't a ball but he is my inanimate object friend. Chuck was a gift from my friend Clare, he currently resides on my mantle.

I moved to San Francisco in January, with my friend from U of A. I was living in Pennsylvania and he was living in Phoenix, after living here briefly with his girlfriend. I told him I was moving here for school and he started looking for a job, he couldn't wait to live here, he loved it.

So in January we arrived in SF. By May I was living alone. He neglected to tell me the reason he moved here was to get his girlfriend back, he succedded in doing so, and they got their own place. I cant really complain, our small apartment now only has me in it, and he is still paying half the rent. But its lonely sometimes, thats where Chuck comes in.

Chuck is my Wilson. My buddy, my pal, my confidant. But unlike Wilson, I cant throw Chuck out to sea when I'm mad.

#10. The Money Pit

I love Tom Hanks. Love everything about him. Love everything he has ever acted in, directed, produced or had anything to do with. But if I had to pick a favorite it might be (might, there are too many to pick from!) The Money Pit. I just recently reaquired it (my copy was stolen when my house was burgalarized in August) and have probably watched it atleast three times the past week, my parents on the otherhand have been living it.

My parents are on their fourth home in six years. This newest home is the Money Pit. Its beautiful, from the outside... Now I was only inside briefly, because when I was home the people living there had not yet moved out, and from what I saw it look good, if a little dated.

But I guess my observations were wrong, because from what I hear, now that renovations have begun things are going kinda like this...


I just hope this is the last move.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

#9. Forget Paris

On a recent trip back home, I had the opportunity to spend some QT with my dad. I had not seen him or the rest of my family and friends for six months. But since his work schedule is hectic, he was one of the last people I spent time with. We planned our day visiting my parents new house (see next blog for more about that!) and my nintey six year old Grandma in her nursing home. We set off for the new abode first.

To get to the new place, we needed to drive through a business district poplulated by restaurants, car dealerships, and strip malls. When we turned onto the main drag I heard my dad say, "Red Lobster." To which I responded, "What?" He then said, "Mattress Factory." Again I asked, "What?" And this continued, until my dad finally pointed to the business signs. I then realized he wasn't having a stroke, but he was reading the signs out loud. I have no idea what made him do this, but all I could think of was Billy Crystal and William Hickey going through the exact same scene in Forget Paris...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

#8. Saving Silverman

Ok, I love this movie. I think it is HILARIOUS, even Jack Black (who I am not a huge of) is funny. This posts moment relates to the scene where Judith goes to meet Darren's best friends Wayne and J.D.

Upon arrival and after a brief tour of the house, Wayne and J.D. sit down to enjoy some Sunday afternoon football with all the fixin's...yes that means nachos. J.D. (Jack Black) reaches for a nacho, but gets half of the plate because the cheese has stuck them together. Seeing this Wayne begins to yell, J.D. replies "Dude, if you get the nachos stuck together, that's, one nacho."

This weekend, while at the local watering hole, my friend and I ordered the nachos, and yep, you got it, I was J.D. this time. Not the most flattering thing to be a woman in bar full of guys with half an order of nachos squished onto a salad plate.

#7. "You had me at 'hello'."

Yes, I had a Jerry Maguire moment.

When I was a freshman in college I experienced love at first sight, thats right, it does happen...

It only took me two years to get him, it lasted a few months and I called it quits. I never regretted anything more, but I was young and stupid, what can I say? But he was never far from my thoughts, so a few years ago I found him on MySpace, we started talking again and have seen each other a few times since. It was going really well when I moved to San Francisco, as he lives in LA, much closer than Pittsburgh.

And then.....I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED. We stopped talking as much and grew distant. Things got weird I guess, the actuality of the situation, that we were so close now, must have sunk in...

But this weekend I got a phone call... all I can say is he had me at hello.

Friday, July 9, 2010

#6. PCU

PCU is one my favorite college movies of all time, you cant beat Jeremy Piven and David Spade together.



I used to have the entire film memorized, but those lines have been replaced with more important info, like social security numbers and internet passwords, you know the good stuff. Thought I no longer remember ALL the lines I DO remember the scenes. I recalled one in particular the other night...

The other day I returned home to find my computer unplugged and not running because it exhausted the battery. Instead of the ac cord of my laptop occupuying the socket another plug was in its place, a plug to an extension cord. An "empty" extension cord, apparently plugged in by my roommate and never used. Normally this wouldnt be an issue, but not this time. This time I had left several documents open and unsaved, documents that were due the next day, documents that were all erased. As you can imagine, I was not happy and set forth to find my idiot roomie, thank god I couldn't or I would soliciting bail money from you right now...

This totally reminded me of the scene in PCU when Tom, the potential freshman or pre-fresh, accidentally trips over the massive cord connecting the computers of deadlined senior completing their thesis, deleting them all and sparking a man hunt. Only in my version I wasnt saved by a basement vault housing past papers, I had to do redo all my work. NOT COOL.

#5. Mother.

Have you ever seen the classic Albert Brooks movie "Mother," starring, well Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds? It's a story about a man who moves back in with his mother after his third divorce, in order to figure out why he has issues with women. It does not sound as funny as it is, its a typical Brooks dramedy, so it has its moments.



One moment in particular resonated with me this week, the moment where we watch as Debbie Reynolds attempts to speak with her other son (Rob Marrow) on a video phone (I know the video phone is kinda outdated, but Skype is quite the same). In this scene we see from Marrow's POV as Reynolds moves side to side and up and down in front of the video phone screen, never being completly visable. Its hilarious. I lived this last week when my mother decided that Skype was a good idea. It wasn't. It was in fact a terrible idea, and much like the movie, the call ended in frustration. While my mother has figured out her iPhone (after two years), she has yet to figure out the WebCam.

Guess I know what my next trip home is going to entail. Teaching her to text was a poor decision, I think I may have to come up with an excuse in the next few weeks...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

#4. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Another Will Farrell moment.

At the end of Zoolander when the evil Mugatu, inventor of the piano key necktie, has a nervous breakdown while trying to explain his master plan to a crowd of non comprehending models and actors exclaims "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" well, we all feel that way sometimes...

Most recently, I exclaimed this to a customer service rep from my health insurance company. I have never been sooooo frustrated in all my life as I was by this particular woman, actually I was frustrated and angry. She not only had no idea what she, or I, was talking about but she was also condescending and rude to top it all off. Have you ever had to explain and re-explain and then re-re-explain the simplest concept to a total moron? All I was trying to do was request a reimbursement form mailed to me - the conversation to do so lasted AN HOUR!! After being transfered to two other rep's then back to the original, helpful and pleasant woman, the issue was finally resolved, simply by adding an address to my file. An hour wasted because someone could not take the time to stop and listen or to think.

I feel like recently people have been making the simplest things more difficult and stressful than they need to be. Not every solution to a problem has to be complicated. And more and more often these days I find myself feeling under the influence of crazy pills...Mr. Mugatu - you are not alone.

Oh and FYI, I got a call back from the same helpful service rep, yesterday because the forms she sent were returned to her by the post office. Apparently after our conversation she assumed I was wrong about the city on the mailing address, and so she changed it. I'll let you know if I ever get them...

#3. Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart.

Ok, so this happened to my friend, not me, but I had to post it, too good to pass up.

This past month my friend was notified she would have six weeks to find a new place of employment due to cut backs. She is very experienced in her field and received much interest after sending out her resume. One "place" of employment that called her for an interview was an institution she found quite interesting and was on the top of her list choicewise. So she coordinated a time for her interview and then proceeded to psych herself out for the next week, until the day of the interview.

On the day of, she woke up, got dressed and drank coffee (which she does not drink), began to walk to her interview and stopped for more coffee (not good). So she finally arrives more caffinated than usual and takes a seat in the waiting area, where she is surrounded by much older women in power suits, she is dressed in a cute little dress and sweater. She texts me at this point to wish her luck, which I do, to no avail.

Now from what I gathered from the conversation that followed the interview was this: that after some intense questioning, she became flustered (due to the caffiene) and laughed in response to a inquiry that stumped her, the interviewers then fell silent and began to read her resume in said silence. As the moment of silence proceeded, my friend, broke wind, much to the suprise of the interviewers and herself. She then sat for another moment of silence, while being stated at by the wide eyed interviewers, them mumbled "Thanks." and ran for it.

Now when she told me this story I instantly exclaimed "Step Brothers!" She knew exactly what I meant and she cracked up, an improvement from the tears. If you have never seen Step Brothers do yourself a favor and watch it. There is a hilarious depiction of this situation only it stars Will Farrell, John C. Reilly and Seth Rogan. Just another example of your life in context.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

#1. Dude, Where's My Car?

Now, I have to admit, this is not a one time incident, but an ongoing situation...

I moved to San Francisco this past January...with my car. I CANNOT live without my car - yes, I am one of those people. I believe in saving the environment and fully support carpooling, as long as its my car and I am driving. ANYWAYS, since my move I have, no joke, fully funded the SFMTA's (San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency) office for the next decade with my parking tickets, due to the fact I can never remember where my car is!! It sucks when you wake up (sober or not) and have no idea where you parked, and of course you look super smart when you ask your neighbors if THEY have seen your car. OH, some of the looks I've gotten in response to that question are priceless!!

This "situation" is not my fault (I maintain) due to the parking restrictions, construction, and street cleaning hours effective in my neighborhood, I am constantly either moving my car or trying to remember where the hell I parked it (because I have already moved it 10X's), so I can move it AGAIN, to avoid further tickets. I'm sorry, but if you have to PAY for a parking permit for you residential are, I think you should be able to PARK YOUR CAR AND NOT HAVE TO MOVE IT ALL THE TIME.

Perhaps I am crazy, but just once I'd like to wake up in the morning and not have to ask myself, "Dude, Where's My Car?" I say this to you on my way out the door... to move the car.

WELCOME!!!!


Hello ALL!!!

The title of my blog (obviously) is La Vie Cinematiques, which translated from German, means "The Cinematic life." La Vie Cinematiques is my personal motto and belief, that you have already learned every lesson in life that you need to know FROM THE MOVIES! Being attacked by aliens? Watch Mars Attacks. Need tips for your new job as a day trader? Check out Wall Street. Trying to survive a plane crash in the Andies? See Alive. Every situation you will ever be in you have probably already vicariously lived, through the likes of Paul Newman, Brad Pitt and Kate Winslet, you either just don't remember or have yet to see it!

The odds are, that EVERYTHING you have ever or will ever experience has already been portrayed in a film somewhere. Don't get me wrong, you wont find one film or one character that encompasses all you are and do, I am simply saying that you will absolutely find a cinematic representation or point of reference for everything you see and do. So do yourselves a favor and start paying attention, the movies just might save your life one day...or at the very least some of your sanity!

Having said that, a little more about this blog...Each entry of this blog will be a personal anecdote relating incidents and experiences from my life to silver screen versions of such incidents. Please feel free to comment or share your stories, I'd love to know I'm not the only one living La Vie Cinematiques.


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